So I do appreciate that.
This section I've thrown a couple of pretty big ideas your way and that's a lot of stuff the are most
likely not going to read about before in the life coaching manuals or the textbooks because what I'm
drawn from is not just life coaching.
I'm drawn from the foundations of psychology from neural and quested program and from philosophy and
even from theology to help you get grounded understanding of exactly what's required to be in place.
If you want to help other people to move forward and progress affectively in the context of any area
in their life's progress being the operative word.
If you think about it no.
In the last film you looked at the difference between a pre neurotic state and unneurotic state premier
rhotic state where someone is still moving forward.
Yes there are going to be immersed in a motion but they've not given up yet.
People will generally only give up in life once they've reached a place of neuroticism.
The hall where they just give up their beat they believe and they accept the thoughts that they think
are true such as that they are worthless.
They are not enough.
They are useless.
They're helpless and because they have in you developed the strategies to move far words to get to where
they want to be more effectively the assume that they're also out of hope.
Sort of what I would like to do here is share with you a slightly alternative way of looking at all
this around.
And we're going to come back to the ideas of self-esteem and self concept in view of how it is that
we authentically move forward and make progress in life right now.
Have you heard of the Terim instant gratification.
And if so do you know what that means.
Instant gratification is all about the quick fixes that people look to to give them quick wise quick
emotional in rushes.
Some people will become adrenaline junkies.
Jumping off mountains and skydiving and bungee jumping are all that sort of thing.
Whereas other people will just eat chocolate.
Some people might take drugs.
My drank.
You'd get some success junkies.
Some people that look to achievement and accomplishment and success for this are motional high the there's
motion or Bozz as you see what I would like to suggest here is that in life you know you've you've possibly
heard of the term alcoholic or drug addict.
People get addicted to stuff in life.
They don't.
This doesn't happen but people do get addicted to various emotional states especially if they live most
of their life in a place of neuroticism or emotional looseness stroke depression.
No you are never going to know what is going on inside of someone else until you actually get to know
them.
Because some people can wear some pretty some pretty good masks that cover up absolutely everything
and unless you are discerning and you've developed this to Sarah and rent because you are fully aware
of yourself then you're not always going to be able to see what other people are hiding around.
This is going to help you to understand what it is that people fundamentally want not in-depth what
it is that people fundamentally want is to have their core values met our core values and life underpin
every single decision that we make.
And I'm going to do.
I'm going to sign a whole section to this later on in the course which is going to help you to understand
yourself on such a profound level from the inside out.
And once you get the stuff you're going to be able to see exactly where people or loved ones family
members colleagues employees brothers sisters spouses.
This is powerful stuff.
I know you're going to love it.
But first he are going to come back to self-esteem a self concept of self-esteem as we've already established
is how we feel about ourselves.
You know people will commit to things off instant gratification.
Chocolate success or whatever just to feel happy today.
Remember when I asked her earlier on if I could give you a choice here what would you choose.
Would you choose happiness or fulfilment.
Will people choose happiness are all about instant gratification.
They want a few happy right now.
And why would people choose that people choose happiness right.
No.
When they're absolutely desperate when everything else or pretty much everything and everything else
about their life.
A negative in some way.
So happiness is pretty much that only positive that they have.
Only problem with happiness is that it's fleeting.
It goes just as quickly as it comes.
So when it comes to self-esteem people will commit to making more money getting more staff buying more
things.
Some people commit to drinking more taking drugs achieving more things jumping off more cliffs and mountains
more adventure.
Them a more adventure activities and buying more stuff and shop paying and basically anything that gives
people a quick fix or a walk in the you know able to see here is when people are primarily driven by
instant gratification things in life.
It just simply takes him round and round in circles because it's all about feeling happy.
No one knows of all happiness because our self-esteem is fundamentally based upon how it is that we
feel about ourselves swith we feel bad about herself.
Says one the natural one though we would therefore want to find ways to make ourselves feel happy.
And movies have been made about this stuff.
The pursuit of happiness.
This in the same way these days is kind of interlinked with the great American dream.
No I'm not saying there's anything wrong with happiness but there is something wrong with happiness
when happiness becomes the main thing and something that we become addicted to because in the same way
that some people become addicted to drugs or the people become addicted to pursuing happiness.
And this is not a sustainable way of living life.
If we are all living for nothing more than half illness then were living from nothing more than our
selves.
And if when living for no greater purpose than ourselves being happy while loving completely self consumed
lice and if one loving completely self consumed lifes in my friend we are never going to experience
for fulminates which is what we fundamentally or want and fulfilment is better than happiness saw pursuing
happiness.
It is what most life coaches and most feel.
Nice whuppin as good as over there and made from as good as say is the main thing but what I'm going
to see here is that pursuing happiness can become addictive and completely the rogatory in terms of
usefulness in relation to us actually moving forward in close to where we want to be in life which has
more to do with self concept because well self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves.
So our self concept is more about who it is that we could become who it is.
We feel we should be how it is that we feel our lifes should be going who we might become who we are
to become our self concept as more about the vision that we have for who we are going to become in the
future.
No if we are focussed on just feeling better today then all were focussed on us right here right now.
But if we were focussed on who it is we could potentially become general.
What we're focussed on is moving forward and making progress because if we're focussed on who is it
we can become then only we're going to become better and when we grow in maturity and sacrifice happiness.
Now that might sound like a bit of a funny idea but I do promise you that it's true.
If you think about it if you want something better than what you currently have.
Well it's only natural to see that you've got to give up what you get half what you've got.
You see many people in life have this such destructive way of accepting second best.
Except the second best because they're fearful that they may never get what it is that they actually
want.
No this is true in the context of relationships.
I have worked with so many women and men who commenced to jumping in bed and being in a relationship
with some of that they don't even love because they feel like they're running out of time.
So we end up jumping into a relationship once our marriage with someone that they really love but it's
just second best and they say you know you do.
She will do because I'm getting older and the right person may never come along.
So people do generally settle for decisions and choices that just make them feel slightly better today
rather than developing the patience to wait for the better days are yet to come which is what is ultimately
only going to be the thing that can fulfil them.
So self concept is about our ideal life self concept is about the real queer self concept is about our
deal and maintenance or attend our real or deal are very very seldom related.
Aren't they often.
Our ideal will be a hundreds or a million miles away from our real our real is where we're at.
Our ideal is where we want to be.
So if we want to move forward in life is absolutely imperative that we're taking practical steps towards
getting away from where we're out which is the real and getting closer to the ideal which is where we
want to be.
No.
The reason why people are going to come to you is because they have a motional problems.
Right.
We've already established less emotional problems which will be in some way connected to self-esteem.
But one of the main problems that people are going to have they're going to come to you for is because
there's always there are always going to see a gap gap between where in Iraq and where they want to
be a gap between the real life where they are today in comparison to where they want to be at some point
in the future.
Ideally no.
The size and the scale of this gap between the self esteem and the self concept is going to determine
the size on the scale of the crisis that they have in their life.
No really this crisis back to the model that I've shared with you in the last video remember Prinny
erotic state premier of this state is all about moving forward.
Here's an A.
Um what are the main problems that we have in life.
Well the main problem that we have in life are always in motion.
There are feeling sort of as we are looking to move forward in life we're looking in at prunier or sick
way we might even take some steps we may take some risks we might take some chances step outside the
comfort zone.
But if things don't go our way we're only naturally then going to step into motions of anger frustration
potentially into anxiety fear and if for some reason we are not able or don't know how to move forward
more effectively and ultimately get what we want.
We can end up falling into the hall of guilt and shame as we beat ourselves up for feeling useless and
worthless in all these sorts of things.
Then leads aspiring into the hall.
No.
There's a big mass of squiggles and diagrams in writing on this board.
Do you see how it is that I'm connecting this model to the model that are shared with you.
The last video.
No I don't know how you can understand this stuff.
But what I do understand is that if you set yourself up as a life coach people aren't going to be coming
to you with their problems and their problems are always going to be a crisis that they have in some
area of their life.
The crisis at the heart has an emotional attachment to it in relation to the confusion or the uncertainty
that they have and how to move forward.
Getting from where they are to where they want to be in life.
So every problem that everyone could ever bring to you as a life coach is going to be related to them
not knowing the steps that they need to take to move from where they are to where they want to be.
How does it make you feel.
I hope that I've explained this in a way that really fundamentally makes sense.
No it's not there as a life coach you would ever really need to explain this to anyone but it's important
that you understand it within yourself because if you understand this then you're going to understand
the very nature and essence of the problems that people are going to come to death.
So when there sections that fall there are going to be more solutions forecast in the next section we're
going to be looking at a more identity based problems how to help people get clearer on who they are
to deal with limiting beliefs and when to share with you some really cool strategies and some some worksheets
you can learn just practice in yourself but you can actually use in the context of your very own life
coaching practice if you so choose.
We're in those sections of the course.
We're going to be looking at more communication skills communication styles or language pattern is going
to be looking at core values which is what it is that people really fundamentally want in the deepest
level which is always then going to be connected to self concept and in some way later in the course
you understand what I mean by this and a lot more depth.
And we're also going to be looking at goal setting action planning and the practical steps you can guide
people through.
So what I'm hoping that you're able to see by now is that I have no intentions on wasting your time
if you're able to overlook and not judge me for my slightly different presentation style then I know
that you're going to find immense value in the rest of the course.
I'm not going to miss anything out because I generally do want you to get out there and share in practice
or the stuff of other people.
So this pretty much brings us to the end of the section apart from one last thought provoking question
that I'm going to ask in the next video.